Children Are Assholes...

Children are assholes. No, not all the time but enough of the time to be really bloody annoying - hense this rant of a blog, soz in advance.
(Warning: This blog contains strong use of the word asshole, if this offends you please feel free to replace it with 'little cherub' or something similar)

The 3yr Old's current annoyances are as follows: He's started snatching toys out of his brothers hands then screams blue murder when it gets snatched back. Don't fucking snatch in the first place! I've lost count of the amount of times I've tried to explain that 'we don't snatch toys darling, it's not very nice'. He's getting really fussy with his food and he takes an age to eat it. He had always been a good eater so this one is really frustrating because it's come from nowhere. Sometimes I feel like I've aged 10 years just waiting for him to finish his bloody tea. His tantrums now come in the form of baby crying, like I don't have enough of that from the actual baby. He interrupts me constantly. Constantly! Why do they feel the need to talk to us so desperately when we are talking to someone else yet don't give a monkeys when I'm sat doing nothing? Just go and find someone else to talk to - make up an imaginary friend already I'm trying to submit a meter reading! And don't get me started on the ignoring/not listening, I may explode. Asshole.

The Baby, cute and cuddly for sure and she does sleep a lot as newborns do but guaranteed when you need to do something she'll wake up and cry. When the boys need their ass wiping she'll need a bottle and cry. And when I finally get the other two in bed and used to enjoy a bit of me time she turns into a fussy little git - she wants a bottle, but she doesn't, she wants to sleep, but she doesn't, she wants a cuddle, but she doesn't. During this time The Man and I have an 'I've had a worse 30 minutes with her than you' competition and she gets passed back and forth like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.
It took three quarters of an hour to watch 7 minutes of New Girl the other day, I had to keep pausing it to sort her out. Just go to sleeeeeeeeeep! Asshole.

And finally The 1 yr Old is a special kind of annoying right now. Maybe its jealousy now The Baby is here, maybe it's just another phase he's going through, either way it doesn't change the fact that he's doing my head in. He goes mental if I don't pick him up so I do it to try and keep sane. I can't hold him all of the time as the other two leeches of energy need my attention too and so he'll go mental when I put him down. He has the mother of all paddys when he's finished his food and you haven't gotten to the fridge quick enough to get him a yoghurt - and be prepared when he's finished that yoghurt, then comes wiping his hands and face and if you were listening from outside you'd think I was murdering him with a blunt knife with the amount of screaming that goes with this. And now he's a bit bigger he can climb on things he previously couldn't reach, god forbid you should try and prevent serious injury by putting him back on the floor! All hell will break loose. And all of this is made worse as I'm told he's a little angel in nursery. Asshole.

I love them all dearly but seriously, some days...assholes.

Speak soon x

(P.S I've now had a glass of wine and am starting to feel marginally better, cheers!)
(P.P.S did I say the word asshole enough?!)


  1. Love your post/blog. I've got twin almost-4 boys and some days (most days) I want to put myself in Time Out just for a bit of peace!!


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